A table for grief: Missoula County Courthouse exhibit honors crime victims

MISSOULA — Families can feel as if there’s always an empty chair at their table after losing a loved one.

An exhibit at the Missoula County Courthouse recognizes the grief families feel when their loved one becomes a victim of a crime.

The display is a part of Crime Victims Rights Week. “Empty Place at The Table” is a traveling exhibit with the Montana Department of Corrections that tells the stories of victims and survivors of crime.

While the exhibit has been in communities all across the state, the first time it was displayed in Missoula was from April 23 until April 25, 2024. The exhibit centers around a table and chairs covered in white.

Participants create a place setting for their lost family member, which can include anything that was or is important to the victim.

Max Dupras lost his father, uncle and aunt to gun violence in 2015. The place setting he created with his mom — for his father, TJ — included a favorite hat, tarot cards, pictures and thank you cards from music students.

Dupras says telling his father’s story is an important way to remember.

“It still means that they have a place here, a place in our minds and our memories,” Dupras says. “I think memories are super powerful. This is a great way to display those memories. Despite the fact that they're no longer here, being able to give them a place no matter what.”

Through the process, Dupras was able to remember the great things about his father — including the man’s positivity.

“His smile, everything about his demeanor was just super big,” he says. “So I try to replicate that in my day-to-day, I try to be happy, I try to do the things that affect people positively.”

Claire Peterson/MTN News

Patricia Spotted Wolf had a similar experience in creating a setting for her son, Benno Big Back Jr, who was killed by a drunk driver.

As she sorted through memories of Big Back Jr. — including sentiments expressed by family members at his funeral — she says the process was healing.

“Doing this table thing, I got to relook at everything and what everybody did, and I didn’t realize what everyone had done for our family,” Spotted Wolf says. 

Big Back Jr’s place setting included his phone and headphones — something his mom says was always in his pocket.

It also displayed pictures of marathons he had run and a list of things his friends remembered about him.

One statement read, “He loved football, his favorite team was the Patriots. He also loves watching soccer and would go to [Thomas Maegar Bar] for food and their TV.”

Big Back Jr. was a part of the Cheyenne and Blackfeet tribes, and he loved his younger siblings. He left all of the settlement money from his case to his little brother.

Spotted Wolf said life will never be the same without her son who died at 32 years old.

“Yeah, it was really hard losing him because we can't even have holidays — when we go to eat, someone will break down or whatever,” she says. “So now we don't even have holidays, and I have two grandchildren too, so it's really hard. One grandchild met him and the other one didn't.”

Claire Peterson/MTN News

While Spotted Wolf knows who killed her son, and she saw the person imprisoned, Valenda Underwood is still left in the dark about her niece, Jermain Charlo.

Charlo went missing six years ago, and her case is still open. She has become a well-known face for the Missing and Murdered Indigenous People (MMIP) Crisis.

Underwood decorated her niece’s place setting with flowers, pictures, and a birthday card. Charlo would have been 29 years old on Tuesday, April 23.

“Anniversary dates, birthdays, holidays, nothing ever makes it easy,” Underwood says. “And I'm just hoping that the next time we put out a display or anything that at least by that point we know what happened to her, and we can be in a direction, moving forward, putting the person responsible behind bars. Like right now it's super hard — just not knowing is the worst thing because like, you never can find any sense of peace inside.”

Underwood reminisced on Charlo’s love for her birthday, the outdoors and femininity. She was happy to add the display to the exhibit to tell more of her niece's story.

“She was a mom, she was a sister, she was a granddaughter, she was a niece, she was a friend,” Underwood says. “You always look at that empty spot in that chair where, where she should be. She had an empty seat at my wedding because she would have been one of my bridesmaids.”

The exhibit was the first of its kind in Missoula, but the Montana Department of Corrections (DOC) hopes to continue it as an annual tradition.

“It was a pleasure to do this with the Missoula community and to be able to give this opportunity to the local Missoula residents, and I look forward to being able to do this in the future as well,” DOC Rehabilitation and Programs Division victim liaison Sharlee TalksAbout says.

There is always a licensed clinician present during the exhibit to offer families support.